Looking Back.....4

Carissa was nice enough to remind me that I haven't finished my twin pregnancy story, so here it is.

A peek into my journal...continued.

31 weeks finally came! We were getting closer! My doctor came in early that morning to talk to me, as she did every morning. At this time, she informed me that she was heading out of town in a few days and wouldn't be around on our planned delivery date. We discussed all of our options. 1-We could deliver a few days earlier than planned. 2-We could deliver a few days later than planned. 3-We could have another doctor do the delivery on our original planned date. We made the decision to deliver the night before she was leaving out of town, which was Monday, May 22, 2006. This put our delivery at gestational age 31 weeks 4 days.

When Monday, May 22 finally came, I was so excited! Mixed with nervousness! I was so glad that this pregnancy was finally going to be over and that I would be able to go home with my family. I was so excited to meet my sweet little girls and be able to hold them in my arms and know that they were both healthy.

I was so nervous about having a c-section. In addition there was so much uncertainty as to whether or not both of my girls would be healthy and ok.

Our delivery was scheduled for that evening and it was a very long day waiting.

This was right before surgery.

For me, the surgery went very quickly. I didn't feel any pain. A few minutes into surgery, I was told that baby A was coming out. Then the assisting doctor held her up so I could see her for about 2 seconds, before whisking her away to the adjacent room where several NICU doctors and nurses were waiting. Abbie was born at 6:46 PM. Exactly one minute later, they held up baby B in the exact routine as they had done with Abbie. Ellie was born at 6:47 PM.

The window shades were open, and I could see my girls being worked on in the next room as my surgery was being completed. We were told that they were both doing very well for 31 weekers. We were also given their weights, Abbie weighed 3 lbs 1 oz and Ellie weighed 3 lbs 14 oz. It wasn't until 2 days later that we found out we had been misinformed. Abbie had actually weighed in at 3 lbs 10 oz which was quite a difference. This was good news to us.

An hour or two later, they wheeled my hospital bed into the NICU so that I could see my sweet little girls. I just kept saying "They are so small! I can't believe how little they are." They had a bunch of wires attached to their stomachs and chests. they also had IV's and were on ventilators. It was very hard to see them like this. I was so glad that they were getting a good start. Throughout my pregnancy, I was told by doctors that by 32 weeks, we might not have 2 live babies. Yet here they were. They were very, very small. But I knew that they were in good hands and that they were going to have a fighting chance to live. I was overjoyed. And exhausted. And proud of myself for making it through this amazing day without crying!

This is a different angle to my famous "twin heads" picture.
This was the very first time they put the girls in together.

The girls were only on their ventilators for a couple of hours and the oxygen a day or two. The main reasons they needed their NICU stay was to learn to eat and obviously to grow. It was very difficult to come home without them. At the same time, I knew they were much too small to come home. It was also difficult juggling my recovery, my 2 older kids, and twice a day visits to the hospital. It was definitely a roller coaster ride of emotions. Somehow we managed it all.

This was the 1st time I got to hold them together! I was thrilled!

The girls were in the NICU for 32 days and they came home together. Finally, our family was all together!:)

Looking Back.....3

A peek into my journal...continued.

I was hospitalized at 28 weeks. It was very boring and sometimes very scary. I worked a whole lot on a cross stitch I had started a few years earlier. It has 2 snowmen on it. Maybe I'll finish it this year!:) (I did finish it that year, by the way.)
I also brought Matt's laptop computer. This is nice, because I can chat with people via instant message. I also was able to find a website called monoamniotic.org. It is so awesome! Everyone there is either having momo twins, or has had them. It is a wealth of knowledge on a subject that no one seems to know much about. I have become much more educated on twins-especially momos. I also learned that the 50% mortality rate is outdated. We are still in a very scary situation, but there is hope. It is nice to be able to converse with people all around the world who know what I'm going through.
Monoamniotic twins make up only 1% of all twins. No wonder nobody seems to know much! There is a newer study called the Heybourne Study. It is very interesting. They studied many women pregnant with monoamniotic twins- half of which were hospitalized and half were outpatient who went in several times a week for tests. The outcome of the study was that of the women who were hospitalized, they didn't lose a single baby. Of the ones who were outpatient, there were quite a few babies that perished.
I am so glad to be sitting in this hospital bed after reading this! It is so hard to be away from Matt and the boys, but so, so worth it for my girls.

Some of the days were really tough. I had a few emotional days. The first days were especially hard, just getting used to the hospital and having to say "Goodbye" to my boys. Some of the nurses weren't exactly helpful, either, because they didn't understand my situation or why I was there. Overall, I think I did pretty well. I had to stay in bed with monitors on my stomach constantly with the exception of the bathroom, and a quick shower. Matt also brought the boys to see me every day. They would take me on wheel chair rides outside around the pond. This is something I looked forward to every day. I think I was on the monitors probably at least 22.5 hours per day.
Somewhere between 29 and 30 weeks, we went and took a tour of the NICU. This was very hard to take in. Seeing such small little bundles, fighting for their lives- it was quite an eye opener for me. A few hours after the tour, we had a major decel in baby A (Abbie). I was just sitting in my bed when a nurse came in to reposition my belts. Nothing out of the ordinary, I thought. She was rushing and not being very gentle and I still had no idea the seriousness of the situation. When she found the heartbeat on the monitor, I heard it go from thump, thump, thump to thump......thuump...........thuuump. I can't even explain how scared I felt at that moment. Within just a few minutes, my bed was surrounded with nurses and a scrub tech, I had oxygen put on my face, an IV put in my hand, and pills shoved down my throat. Next thing I remember was a nurse's face right close to mine, saying, "You're doctor is on her way, you need to be prepared. This could be IT!" At this point, tears started flowing and a very scared mama started to panic!
A few minutes later my doctor arrived and Abbie's heart had stabilized. (Thank goodness!) My doctor, her partner, and my peri continued watching my monitor for a few hours. They finally decided that things were going to be ok and that I would continue to be watched closely, but that today was not the day for me to meet my babies. Needless to say, my wheelchair rides were outlawed that day.
My sister and her kids came and visited me at lunch time on the weekdays. My parents also came several times per week. Matt's parents came a few times and played games with me (Settlers of Cattan). It was always nice to have visitors.
This hospital stay was tough! (wait a minute, did I already say that?) Some days my feelings were torn. A part of me wanted to have my babies early. That way there could be no cord accident and I could be done being pregnant and get out of this hospital and go home. Another part of me would then kick in and tell me to quit being so selfish. I knew I needed to stick with the plan to give my babies a good start at life. The best possible start I could give them.
To be continued...

Looking back.....2

A peek into my journal...Continued. (This was written after I was feeling a little better and could function. Some of it was written in present tense and some in past tense)

7 Weeks Pregnant. We have all moved in to my Mom and Dad's house. Matt goes to work at 5:00 AM and I am still so sick! I can't function. I can't take care of myself or my kids. Life is very hard right now. I am very lucky to have good parents that can take care of me and my family. Some days I don't think I can survive this. Most days I don't even get out of bed, except to go to the bathroom. My mom and dad bring me food and medicine and anything else I might need. They are like my own personal nurses. All I need now is a little bell to ring!
They are taking very good care of all of us. We are very lucky. We could not make it through this without them.

16 Weeks Pregnant. Things are still horrible. I am feeling worse than ever. This week has been so awful. I don't think I can survive much more of this pregnancy. I went to see my perinatologist today and we discussed the possibility of getting a feeding tube. We talked it over and decided to hold off another couple weeks and hope things will start to get better.

17 Weeks Pregnant. This week I am actually able to keep a little bit of food down. I am glad we didn't do the feeding tube. The nausea has let up some, and I am actually starting to feel somewhat human again! Yeah!

18 Weeks Pregnant. I got my pic line out a few days ago! Yeah!:) I am so glad to be feeling better!

By the time I was 19 weeks pregnant, we had moved back home. We continued to see my doctor weekly for ultrasounds as we had been doing since week 7. We also started seeing the peri because we are considered "high risk." Having one placenta with two sacks is the middle risk category for twins. We are monochorionic diamniotic. Our biggest risk/worry is twin to twin transfusion-where one baby gets more blood and nutrition than the other and you end up with one baby a lot bigger than the other. You also get two very sick babies. So far there is no sign of this for us.
We also found out we are having girls! We are evening out our family all at once. And doubling it, too!
I know having two babies is going to be very challenging, but I am so excited!

February 27, 2006
About 20 Weeks Pregnant. We had an appointment with MFM (peri) today. As the tech was doing our ultrasound, she noticed something floating somewhat freely. After looking at it for a few minutes, she came to a very unusual conclusion. Somehow, the membrane which was separating the babies (which is about the thickness of saran wrap) has ruptured. We could see the membrane just floating around.
This changes everything!:(
Then our peri came in to talk about our new diagnosis. Our babies are now in the same sack, which makes us monochorionic monoamniotic, or momo. This also puts us in the highest risk category because now we have to worry about the babies' cords getting tangled and cord compression. Our peri informed us that I will be hospitalized at 28 weeks and that, considering we still have live babies, we will deliver them at 32 weeks.
I think my head was spinning!
Then I came home and did some research online and read some horrifying articles. They quote a 50% mortality rate. This makes me REALLY scared.
I can't lose these babies now. I can't even imagine what I would do. Reading these articles made me cry.
My peri was baffled by what has happened to us. He said he has never seen this happen before. He said, "This just doesn't happen." He said we are in our own category and he doesn't really know what to do with us. Therefore, we ere on the side of caution and treat us as if we've always been momo. I am glad he is being cautious.
Hospitalized for four weeks? I don't like the sound of that. However, I do want healthy babies, so I guess we better start preparing.

To be continued...

(By the way, those of you that aren't familiar with momos, the 50% mortality rate is NOT current. I will get more into that in part 3. Just want to make sure I'm not giving out bad info here!)

Looking back.....1

(I was WAY too sick to write this at the time it happened, but I was good to remember dates and conversations and feelings. I wrote this when I was able)

Here's a peek into my journal:

November 28, 2005
I have been very sick for the past 4 weeks. At first I thought I had the flu. Then, 2 and a half weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. I have been down in bed the past 5 days. I feel SO sick! Thanksgiving was a few days ago, but we stayed home because I couldn't get up.
Today, my mom and dad came and got me from my house. My dad took me to the hospital. I am very dehydrated and I still can't keep anything down. I feel horrible. I am happy to be pregnant, but I hope this sickness doesn't last too long.

November 29, 2005
I got out of the hospital today and went back to my parents house. I still feel really crappy, but at least I am a little more hydrated. I don't know why I am so sick?! With my other pregnancies I was really sick--but not so early and not this bad. The medicine (zofran) helped a lot with my other pregnancies, but with this one, I can't even keep the pills down! I'm afeared this is going to be a long, hard pregnancy. My mom says it must be a girl.

November 30, 2005
Today I went in to the hospital and had a pic line put into my arm. Now I will be able to take my medicines through IV. Also, I am taking 2 bags of saline per day to keep me hydrated.
After I had my little surgery, I had an appointment to see Dr. Boheen. She decided to do an ultrasound to see if she could see anything that would indicate why I am being so sick and so soon. She started the ultrasound and after just a few seconds said, "oh, OK, now I see why you're so sick. (pause) Are you ready for this?" Then she repeated, "Are you ready for this?" At that moment, I knew! I said, "Is there 2 of them?" She confirmed.
WOW!! What a shock! I can't even believe this is happening! TWINS?!! How exciting!
I told my doctor that she'd better print me a picture, because nobody was going to believe this!
I went to the waiting room where my dad was patiently waiting and told him the news. I think I was in shock at this point. My dad said, "No way! Are you serious?!" Then we went back to my mom and dads house and told my mom and some of my siblings. My mom started to cry. (happy tears, of course). Nobody saw this coming.
I told Parson and Joshua the news. Then Parson called Matt at work. He said, "Guess what, daddy! Mommy has two babies in her tummy!" And Matt said, "Pars, are you teasing me?" and Parson said, "Yeah dad. I'm just teasing you." At that point I grabbed the phone and said "No, he's not teasing you! We are having twins!"
Wow! I still can't believe it.
Matt and I are very excited to be having twins! Well, actually I think everyone is excited about it.
I am only 7 weeks along and it is early to tell, but my doctor said she thinks we have one placenta but 2 sacks. Because we only have one placenta, we know that the babies will be identical.
What a day!:)